Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Songs To Play Loudly While Wrapping Presents

If you're tired of listening to the same old Christmas songs like "The Little Drummer Boy", "The Twelve Days of Christmas" or even "Wonderful 'I just got a new synthesizer' Christmastime" every year here are some relatively new and not so new songs that might be an alternative.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

No Tuesday Ten - Where Wishes Go To Eat

No Tuesday Ten today because I was out tonight and don't have time. I should probably mention I'm out of the country* and headed to bed. But, first, something that amused me...

*Please don't burgle me

Friday, December 9, 2011

Misplaced Songs - 12/9/11 - "Other 99"

There's a movement afoot. You may have heard of it. It's called "Occupy Wall Street." We provided banks with money and all they did was get richer. Meanwhile, all across the US there are a slew of 13 year olds saying "Hey! How about you occupy my pants!"

Funny thing about the Occupy movement. They have a theme song and they don't realize it.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Tuesday Ten for 12/6 - Chicken Links

The Tuesday Ten promise that they've actually seen a chicken.

1. I never realized Sarah Bernhardt was such a versatile author.

2. I hate it when my ants get greedy.

3. I bet a bunch of people wish they could've yelled at Ang Lee. I would like to for starting the "everyone in movies can fly" movement with Crouching Tiger River Liquor (you may know this movie by a different title.)

4. They do.

5. I'm a big fan of made up categories with long titles.

6. In case it wasn't clear.

7. This is ridiculous but I've looked at it at least 3 times today and it still makes me laugh. I bet Alanis Morissette doesn't find it the least bit funny.

8. It would be cool if fast food restaurants and movie theaters started selling "diabetes-sized" drinks.

9. Video time: This features my old friend Vanessa Bayer. I like this because I'm ten years old.

10. I may have linked to this before but, if I did, this is a way better clip than the earlier one - yes, it's the Arrested Development chicken dances.

I got a request on Facebook so I'll try to accommodate that on Friday. Meanwhile, I'm glad I have no use for the "Me Time" mattress.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

How I Spend My Saturday Afternoons or How "No Pinot 'til Brooklyn" May Have Changed My Life

I went to a party at Doreen and Steve's house in late summer of 2009. It was a wine party. Steve loves wine. I like wine as does Doreen. But Doreen and I are not lovers of wine.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Tuesday Ten for 11/22 - Grateful Links

The Tuesday Ten promise not to complain when they eat too much this coming Thursday. (Editor's note: I modified the links so they open in new windows automatically. Sorry for not doing this before. I make no guarantees about doing it in the future.)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

No Tuesday Ten (sniff, sniff)

No Tuesday Ten today because work is getting in the way. I'll give you a video of Conan taking a side job.

He's at least a foot taller than all his co-workers.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Worries and Theories

2 quick notes:

If zombie Ed McMahon rings my doorbell holding an oversized check should I answer?

Overheard last night in Schaumburg, a man speaking to a woman: "Are you familiar with the Big Bang Theory?" (Woman responds in the affirmative.) "Well, I have a theory about that..."

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Tuesday Ten for 8/2 - The Long and Winding Road to These Links

These links promise to look just as good when they're 69. I saw Paul McCartney this past Sunday at Wrigley Field. This has inspired me to have a theme to my comments on these links. I really should have just let it be.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Vacation Stories 2011

I just spent a week in Glen Arbor MI with some friends and their families. There are 3 couples with a total of 6 kids in the house we rent. Emily (age 10) belongs to Neff and Kathy. Henry (10) and George (8) belong to Josh and Jenny. Lily(10), Clara(8) and Timmy(6) belong to Burt and Beth. As you can imagine, the kids say some funny things. Here's a sampling of them.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Tuesday Ten for 6/14 - South Beach Links

Different format today. Nothing to click through. Instead, these are my favorite Tweets about the Dallas Mavericks beating the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals which concluded this past Sunday.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

My Short Tribute To Oprah

When I was married my wife and I had numerous running jokes. One of them had to do with Oprah. My ex got a 2-year subscription to O magazine as a gift from her mother. Every month when it would arrive in the mail she would say, "We got this month's Oprah." And I'd say, "Who's on the cover?"

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Erik Spoelstra's New Nickname And Other Stuff

Nearly as lame as writing a post of links is a notes post. So it's time for a notes post!

  • Burt and I went to see Elvis Costello on Sunday, which was great, so we missed the Bulls-Heat game. After the concert we went to The Pony and were waiting to see the highlights. The short version of the highlights came on SportsCenter, "SportsCenter Right Now." They showed a few highlights then went to the post-game press conferences. I stopped paying rapt attention. Then at one point Burt said, "Heat Spokesman?" I looked at him with a giant question mark on my face. He said, "The Heat don't have anyone from the team talk instead they have a spokesman?" I said, "I don't think that's true. Are you sure it wasn't their coach? I think his name is something like Erik Spoelstra." He said, well, it could've been. Sure enough, when they showed the highlights later I pointed out Erik Spoelstra and he said that's who he was talking about. So from now on Erik Spoelstra will be referred to as "Heat Spokesman." That's not far from the truth.
  • While at The Pony we saw that Absolut has added more flavored vodkas but they've apparently run out of flavor names and have started naming them after cities. We saw Absolut Brooklyn and Absolut Boston on the bar. Ricky the bartender told us Absolut Brooklyn was "Red Apple and Ginger" flavored while Absolut Boston is "Black Tea and Elderflower" flavored. Fortunately, the Birthday Girl from this post was at the bar with her boyfriend. We struck up a conversation and they also were curious about the flavors. After many jokes about how Absolut Boston probably tasted like assholes we tried them. Boston was bad. Brooklyn was better, not bad but not great, but neither were one I'd be buying anytime soon.
  • The Birthday Girl and her boyfriend had both managed to lose their phones that day. She was very concerned because she apparently has some Fish app that seems similar to those virtual pet games or Farmville in that she's supposed to take care of her fish frequently or they'll die. Since she had no mobile phone she couldn't do it. Tampa the bouncer and I kept joking about it while making bad fish puns. For instance Tampa told her it was a good thing she was at the bar so she could drown her sorrows. And that maybe she would feel better if she heard her favorite tuna. I told her we didn't really mean to make fun of her we were just doing it for the halibut. I wished I had told her that if her fish had needed an operation she could have called a sturgeon.
  • Whenever anyone says "It is what it is" I respond "That's always true."

Saturday, April 30, 2011

The Things We Do For Lust

A few weeks ago I was out at one of my favorite drinking establishments to watch the Blackhawks game. I happened to sit next to two lovely women, one of which I'll refer to as "Our Heroine."

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Tuesday Ten - Adult Themed Links

If I had tried to do a Tuesday Ten last week it would've been the Tuesday Four so I waited until I had ten links to share. These links promise to not to cause cramps:

Monday, April 25, 2011

Guillen Drops Most Of Lineup Down In The Batting Order

CHICAGO (UPI) -- In a surprise move, Chicago White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen has decided to drop most of his White Sox lineup down in the batting order. While Carlos Quentin and Paul Konerko will continue to hit third and fourth, the rest of the team will bat no higher than 7th. Guillen is making the move in the interest of speeding up the game. The team will take automatic outs in the first, second, fourth, fifth and sixth positions in the order.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Friday, April 1, 2011

Misplaced Songs - 4/1/11 "Unforgiven"

This week's Misplaced Song promises to go to any length to unforgive you.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

A Vegas Story

The last few years I've gone to Vegas this weekend, the second week of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament, with Mark and a bunch of friends. This year they went the first week of the tournament, which they had for at least 14 years before, and I have my own rituals that weekend so I didn't go. To quote Burt, "There's March Madness and there's Vegas, they're two different things."

Friday, March 18, 2011

Misplaced Songs - 3/18/11 - "Waterfall"

This edition of Misplaced Songs has so much stuff in its life there's no room for it to grow.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Thursday Ten (Oops) - Late Links

These links promise to only be two days late.

Players Vs. Owners

On The Score Wednesday afternoon, Dan Bernstein and Laurence Holmes asked why it is that most people are siding with the owners in the dispute between players and owners that led to the NFL lockout. I have a theory on why this is.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Friday, March 4, 2011

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Lost In Translation

Ozzie Guillen's bad English is getting him in trouble with headline writers. In his tiff with Bobby Jenks he's quoted as saying, "I respect his wife. I respect his kids. I'm not even mad. I wish I was mad about it because I will rip his throat (out)." This statement has led to headlines such as,

Guillen threatens to 'rip' out Jenks' throat as argument escalates

I'm fairly certain what Ozzie meant to say is, "I wish I was mad about it because if I was I would rip his throat out." Since that's not what he said here come the headlines. But I think it's irresponsible to make headlines and stories like that after reading the statement because the headline is implying that a not angry Ozzie is threatening to rip Bobby Jenks' throat out. If that was the case just imagine what he would do if he was mad.

A Couple of Links: History and Vagueness

Two quick links, neither of which are funny just ones that I find interesting. The first one is where Phil Rosenthal puts Chicago's mayoral race into historical context. I'm a sucker for these types of articles.  

Chicago election: History tends to repeat itself -- and so do the media, historically

The second one is the writer lamenting the decline of the English language. Glad to see my generation is like at the forefront of this movement and stuff.*

What Happens in Vagueness Stays in Vagueness

*I once heard someone who is near my age finish her sentence, "...and stuff, and, and, and, and stuff."

Saturday, February 26, 2011

What Was He Thinking

When David Bowie wrote "Young Americans" and included the line "Do you remember your President Nixon" about a week after Nixon resigned do you think he was thinking "these Americans I'm writing about are so drugged out they won't remember this guy who spent the last year in the headlines" or he thought "If this song gets played on classic rock radio 35 years from now this line will make perfect sense."

I'm pretty sure it was the former but if it was the latter that shows great foresight. I was going to say he's a great lyricist but then I remembered the lyrics to "Let's Dance."

Friday, February 25, 2011

Misplaced Songs - 2/25/11 - "Electric Barbarella"

This week's misplaced song features a band and a song that pay homage to Jane Fonda's most famous role.*

*According to Ross Denton.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Woo Hoo?

News out of Cardinals camp today is that Adam Wainwright may be out for the season with a significant injury to his elbow. This is a huge blow to the Cardinals playoff chances and as such slightly increases the chance the Cubs can make the postseason. This injury highlights an interesting dilemma as a sports fan.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Normally, Don't Trust My Age

I may be changing the name of this blog to "My Disguise Is Working."

Some of you may have seen references on Facebook to a meeting with the cops, my being carded and an article about people with glasses. I thought I'd give more detail here.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Misplaced Songs - 2/18/11 - "Kiss With A Fist"

As someone who had heard of Arcade Fire before the Grammys I thought I'd focus on an artist that many people had not heard of before that awards show. This one happens to be British not Canadian.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Misplaced Songs - 2/11/11 - "You're All I Wanna Do"

This week's song is from a Rockford Illinois band that is known for "Surrender" yet won't give up being a rock and roll band.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Sloan and Dee

Reports are out today that Jerry Sloan has resigned as coach of the Utah Jazz. There will be many career eulogies written and spoken in the next few days. This story is about perspective.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

The Colonel and The Bulldog

Richard Dent was voted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. It's a great honor for the Colonel and one that was a few years overdue. My main memories of the Colonel involved the Bulldog.

Viewing Habits

Here is a diagram of my parents' TV viewing habits (click to embiggen) based on my extensive research after spending a few non-holiday-related days at their house. Mom, of course, complains that Dad's always watching "Bones." Mom used to watch more movies on Lifetime but I think she's seen them all.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Friday, January 28, 2011

Misplaced Songs - 1/28/11 - "Rough Justice"

This week's Misplaced Songs entry is by the Rolling Stones which makes it a little hard to put into context.  It's from their 2005 release A Bigger Bang

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Friday, January 21, 2011

Misplaced Songs - 1/21/11 - "Someone Who's Cool"

This week's edition of Misplaced Songs features a Canadian band that I don't know much about. What this means to the reader is that this will be a much shorter post than last week's

Thursday, January 20, 2011

What The Bears Need To Do To Win

I implied in the last post that I think the Packers will win on Sunday.  While this is true I think it will be a close game which means it can really go either way.  So what do the Bears have to do to win?

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Those "Lucky" Bears

It was only a matter of time before there was a sports related post.

If you're a Chicago Bears fan you've heard, and may have said, that the Bears have been really lucky this season.  And I agree that they've been lucky particularly in one aspect which I'll touch upon later.  But frankly, all successful teams are lucky.  Some are luckier than others but all successful teams take advantage of their lucky breaks. Let's see how lucky the Bears have been.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Misplaced Songs - 1/14/11

This is what I hope to be a weekly feature called "Misplaced Songs".  They are songs I think should have been bigger than they were but for some reason didn't catch on.  The artists in these songs will likely be artists that at the time of release were either very new and had (or have) yet to establish a following or older artists that had lost their popularity and therefore a place where their songs would be played on the radio.  Cheap Trick is a good example of the latter.  They keep making some pretty good music but I rarely hear a newer song of theirs on the radio.  It's also possible that the song might be "forgotten" meaning it received a lot of airplay at one time but is rarely heard today.  I'll feature more songs that should've been bigger instead of forgotten songs.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Best Songs of 2010 - Part 2

Here's part 2 of my list of favorite songs of 2010.  Part 1 can be found here.

Best Songs of 2010 - Part I

This is part 1 of my favorite songs released in 2010. Part 2 is here.  If someone happens to read this and downloads one or more of these that would be awesome. And if this leads someone to be introduced to new bands or older acts that you may have forgotten about that's great too. I present these songs in no particular order. 

First Things First*

*As opposed to first things last.

I've been thinking about doing this for a while so I figured why not start now?  It's only ten years after it became popular.  Besides, I've got a set of posts lined up so it's a good time to start.

Why "The Unconventional Idiot?"  Because I'm not a fan of conventional wisdom and rarely follow it.  This often leads me to trouble which makes me the unconventional idiot.  I'll even sometimes post something about conventional wisdom and why I think it's wrong.  These are likely to be sports, music or TV related posts since that's what takes up my free time.  And I have a lot of free time.

As you can see from the title I'll be using the "Joe Posnanski asterisk" for asides.  This will keep me from filling the blog with parentheses.  Also, I'm positive most typos will be from missing words not misspellings if my experience writing emails means anything.