CHICAGO (UPI) -- In a surprise move, Chicago White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen has decided to drop most of his White Sox lineup down in the batting order. While Carlos Quentin and Paul Konerko will continue to hit third and fourth, the rest of the team will bat no higher than 7th. Guillen is making the move in the interest of speeding up the game. The team will take automatic outs in the first, second, fourth, fifth and sixth positions in the order.
"You know how I like Sushi. (ED Note: pronounced SOO-chee) Well, these games last so long all the good Sushi is no fresh," Guillen said. He continued, "Since we no gonna score anyway I say take the out, speed up the game and I have good dinner. You really gonna miss JP hitting foul balls before he pop out to left fielder?"
Guillen sees some benefits for the fans at home too. "You no gonna have to hear Hawk say 'That's a hang wiffem.' or 'Dadgummit!' or other depressing (junk) 15 times a game. That poor guy gonna have a heart attack." Guillen stated, referring to White Sox play-by-play announcer Ken "Hawk" Harrelson.
Guillen said he'd move Shortstop Alexei Ramirez to the leadoff spot in the order around May 15th and that he'd bat Gordon Beckham second for his usual hot July and August. Guillen also stated that when he feels like watching a glacier slow singles hitter get more at-bats, he'll move A.J. Pierzynski up to 6th.
In a completely unrelated story Chicago Cubs manager Mike Quade is rumored to be considering switching to a 3-man starting rotation.