1. I would think Burt would have something like this in his obituary if the Bears ever obtained Brett Favre. Or the Sox obtained Derek Jeter. Or the Cubs obtained Chipper Jones. Or Cris Collinsworth became a local sportscaster. Man that's a lot of hate. (via Kissing Suzy Kolber.)
2. He does what he can.
3. You'd think Baron Von Burrito would be a more prestigious job than this.
4. I was particularly pleased with the use of "Jagshemash" in the headline. I haven't heard Mike use that word in nearly 20 years.
5. I choose the nickname.
6. You probably think I use this all the time. I'm not telling.
7. People say baseball spring training is too long. Apparently the Cardinals production crew agrees.
8. Rob Neyer and I completely agree with Brandon McCarthy.
9. Tommy Lasorda blew up the Toy Cannon:Let's make a deal guys: I'll try my super duper hardest to play well, and in return you will never ever ever update me on your fantasy team.
Tommy Lasorda was sending out some happy birthday messages on Twitter this afternoon when this happened:
Mar 12, 2012, 6:21 PM EDT
10. More Lamebooks, this person was asking for it.
11. This is something I think Neff would do, assuming he had a reason to buy 50 in the first place.
12. I would like to see this person eat chicken wings and ribs.
13. Couldn't agree with this more from Caprice Crane's Twitter feed.
It would be pretty funny if The Price Is Right losing horn played every time a woman took off her push-up bra.
14. Here's some truth in advertising!
15. From Jenny Johnson's Twitter feed while she was at her father's wake:
Dumbest thing I've heard all day, "I remember your dad when he was in better health." I should hope so, seeing as he's dead.
16. I would be Mario Destingy:
17. This is a slideshow but...he was brilliant. Well worth your time.
18. Video Time (sorry that a few aren't embedded today) - I would be like the husband in this and it's one of the reasons I'm very single.
19. Yeah, he's a nut, but he's Chicago's nut for now.
20. I could totally see this happening. If you'd like, read the comments for clarification.
We're back next week. Until then I'll be avoiding having my remains end up in a salt and pepper shaker.